I was minding my own business;
Then you came sailing by
To tell me how to steer my boat,
And how I could stay dry.
You think your way is better,
And if you sail this shore,
Pilot yours the best you can,
And leave mine in the moor.

'Cause I’m the one who owns this boat,
The captain of my ship;
And when you try to take command,
My ship begins to tip.
Even in this sinking ship,
It’s perfect as can be,
An inner tube so I won’t drown,
Fits me to a tee.

And I don’t need your fancy yacht,
Or your snazzy sails,
An anchor that will tie me down,
Or your polished rails.
Take your ship and sail away,
Or park it in the sand,
But leave me be beside the sea.
You don’t understand.

I bob along at my own pace.
My rudder knows the way.
No castaways allowed on board;
No space for them to stay.
I sailed this ship before we met;
I’ll sail it when you’re gone.
I am the captain of this ship,
Even when I’m wrong.